What's Next?

Ever wake up and you just know it's not going to be a very lively day? There is just something about the mood you wake up in; I often wonder what that's all about. I find myself waking up in that funk more and more often. The decisions in my life that use to be so simple and easy are now fogged over and frowned with confusion. Here's the real kicker. . . I don't even know why! I just wake up and think, "great, what's next?" I am suppose to be training for a half marathon, but that has been less then great and I find myself walk right past the workout room. I find myself being more fake so not so many people notice my funk, but I know I'm not the only person who experiences this; at least I hope I'm not. So my question is this, what's next? How do I get out of this place? I try to go and do the things I use to that made me happy, but the same things don't have the same appeal. Kinda sad, although music still holds me as it did before. I can totally go to my computer and play a song. . . or a couple of songs and it will be right on target with what I'm feeling. Is this all that I have? How do I go from happy go getter all the time to oh really, why do I care in my life with nothing that has made a big life change in a negative way? Talk about looking for a compass. Any ideas. . . I'll try almost anything. . . Almost. . . who knows, give me a week and I just might try anything! Until tomorrow, good bye and good luck with your endeavors.

R.A.K.

Today after work I was driving around as I often do because I am new to the area and want to get a good feel for my "home" and kind of know the lay of the land. Everything was great, cars were moving and the buildings were enjoying me watching them. All of the sudden, the car in front of me came to a dead stop! I hit my breaks and had no problems, but kind of had my heart bumping a little bit. "Perhaps I should be paying a bit more attention to the road" was the first thought that came to my mind. The car in front of me started to get into the other lane, as I looked, they were going around some wood which had nails sticking out of it. I followed suit and did the same thing. Well, almost that is; once the car made it around the wood, the guy pulled over, got out of his car and picked up the wood. I was able to watch all of this happen because I was waiting for the light to turn green.

I started to think why it was that he pulled over and took care of the problem that he didn't cause. Then, I began to think, "why didn't that cross my mind?" It bothered me a bit for the rest of the night. This guy, without even thinking about it, took care of the problem; which very well could have ruined someones drive home, their car, and any plans they had.

His Random Act of Kindness has me in a spin of ideas. I am going to reach out everyday in someway for the next week and look to see if I can get the same effect. Not so much of wanting others to look and say, "oh, he is such a nice young man" but more so, "well, if he can do it I can too!" I will be taking pictures and keeping an eye out. I shall call this little fun task, R.A.K. Fire; as I hope it spreads like a wild fire. Humm, should be interesting. Your thought?

Some Days

There are those days that are so amazing, they just reply in your head every second of every minute of every hour. The sheer joy you experienced was unmeasurable. The greatest feeling in your life, the sun was high, the sky was blue. Everything just went right, your favorite song came on the radio twice. The store had only one pair of jeans left, and they were your size! The sun glasses you were wanting, yep, they were on sale too! Things went so well you went for some ice cream, discount just for you for no reason other then because. Those days, those days are the days you feel like everything is going to be better then just fine. When if your single, your smiling at everyone looking at you as if to say, "want to go out tonight?" and if your with someone you can walk right up to them and plant one on their cheek and when they ask "what's that for?" all you say is "just because". Should you be the other person, you know, the one who loves someone but hasn't told them, it's days like this that you call that person to hear their voice because your thinking about telling them just how you feel, and why not, everything is going great!

Then there are the days when it starts off wrong from the start. You set your alarm for 6:30 p.m. rather then a.m.! There is frost on your window and your already late for work, where oh by the way, you are suppose to be giving a meeting 5 minutes ago. Yep, these days are the ones that shack you franticly back into reality. Like a splash of cold water while your sleeping. Nothing good about it, no music on the radio, just talk show after commercial after talk show. Tons of pants, but none in your size except the leather ones, and that's not going to happen! You sat on your sun glasses on your way to work and broke them, yep, cost a fortune to replace them, no sale. Your single and everyone walks right past you as if they don't even see you there, your with someone, but they are mad at you and not talking with you; seems to fit the rest of the day, why not. Oh, and if your the other person, you get a phone call from the one you love who say they just started seeing someone. Guess you wont be telling them how much you love them today hu.

These two types of days are on the far extremes though, they can't be everyday, that's just not possible. The days that fill in between them are more like this:

Oh, this is where you go on with your day and find out what they are like. Here is to hoping you have more of the great days then the bad ones, but no matter what, here are a few things I've learned in life thus far;

1. Today wont last forever, so don't you might have a better tomorrow.

2. There is no higher power messing with you and the last pair of jeans, sun glasses or ice cream. No matter how much you think someone is laughing at you right now.

3. If your single and don't like it, you have the power to change it.

4. If your with someone and fighting, don't go to bed mad, find a way to at least start talking agin.

5. If there is someone you care for very much and don't tell them, you can't be hurt by finding out they have started seeing someone, and it's not you.

6. When the radio let's you down, always have a c.d. ready to rock your world!

7. Alarm clocks are EVIL. Doesn't matter what time you set them for!

8. You can never give or get enough hugs, from anyone that wants them or is willing to give them.

9. The greatest things you miss out on are the things you never go for.

10. Sometimes you just need to cry, some times you just need a friend to listen, and sometimes you just need to be held.

Right about now. . .

Right about now I would love to sleep! I would love the chance to close my eyes an know that I will be waking up to the sweet sounds of my alarm clock in the morning rather then just tossing and turning. Waking up ever hour or so. Right about now, I would even welcome the ability to sleep on the floor! Sleep at all would be so great, and yet, it's so unreal to me. Unreal to me as a fairy tail might be to a child growing out of it. Once, it came to me so sweetly and continuously. Like a child growing out of The Easter Bunny or The Tooth Fairy, my sleep has slowly left me as well.

Right about now, I would love to be able to talk with someone, but everyone is asleep. They are in their great moments of dreaming. It is now that I feel the most alone; alone in the dark with no where to turn to. It doesn't matter how many friends on Facebook you have or Myspace, when it's all hours of the night, your bound to find, your the only one up. At first, it's no big deal. You watch some of your favorite movies, read a book, even just turn on some music and lay in bed. However, the movies don't seem so favorite after awhile. A book begins to bore you where you once couldn't put it down. The music, it's still there, and your still laying in bed. . . waiting. Sounds become amplified, even the faintist of sounds; to the point where your not even sure if your hearing something, or if you just think your hearing something.

Yes, right about now I am going crazy! Short trip, I know, but it seems I go there often and no longer need to ask for directions. I have my second home there, nice view, not crowded, just me, myself, and I. So this is me, wishing you the best sleep you've had, because I know what it's like not to have such great things in my life.

Right about now I'm getting ready to turn on my music and lay in bed, see you when the rest of the world wakes up. . . Night.

Another Step Into Darkness. . .

It has always seemed to me, that as we go on in our lives, we make changes; not just little ones, but large ones. Ones that effect our whole way of being. Something that changes the way we have been living. Another step on the road of life. Sometimes however, that step is blind; blind in hope that everything will be okay. Blind in the fact we don't know for sure, but we have a good idea. We can only plan so many steps before we start walking without thinking, and although this is how it's suppose to be, we should always remember to think before stepping. For while walking is good, walking blindly is dangerous. None the less, here I go, taking a blind step; I must say, I am a little ify at best.

I know where I am going I will love, it's beautiful, and I know I will love what I will be doing, cause I have been doing it for some years now. The difference is, will I be able to make it in the world without my suit on? I've had it on long enough that life may almost feel incomplete without it on. They say taking the first step is the hardest to do, but this is not my first step, and yet, I am standing here tapping my foot in the dark wondering if this blind walking thing is a good idea.

Now that I start to think about it, I've been walking blind for some time now, just taking the steps as they come to me. Not really having a GREAT PLAN, just going along with things as they came to me. I am turning out just fine, and still 6' above ground, so I must be doing something right.

So here is to the blind steps we take, the walking we do without thinking, and the future; although it may be ours, it's not entirely our to decide.

A Great Trip

One of my favorite trips ever taken was with my sweet pea to the Seattle Aqurium. Although it was a 3 hour trip there, then back, I think she liked it! It started in the morning about 8:00, and trying to get her up and going without telling her why we had to get up and get ready wasn't easy. We got dressed and ready, did our morning Sponge Bob, eat, went to the bathroom, (which wasn't the last but always a good start!) then loaded the car.

"So where are we going daddy?" I told her it was a suprize, "the duck pond", I could tell she was excited about the duck pond, but today was not the day for the duck pond. We couldn't take a detour for that now, it was in the other direction and we had to get going on the road.

"Nope, somewhere even better", what could be better then the duck pond, um, hello, an aqurium!!! "So we're going to Chuck E Chesse!!!!!" It was at this point I knew I was good and there was no way she was going to guess it. . . "nope, not today." I had a smile from ear to ear as I finished filling up the car with gas. She came inside with me to get a snack and a bug juice, one of her favorites she tells me.

Back in the car, seatbelts on, sun glasses on,(which is another story I must tell, remind me a bit later. . . )music in and playing and off we go, headed to Seattle! A pictuer before we really get out of town.

"I was giving you bunny ears daddy, can you see it?" She was laughing and I had no clue why tell she told me that. Yes, it was going to be a great trip! I could hardly keep it in where we were going, and she wasn't going to stop asking. . . she would do it right after singing a song, so when we stopped somewhere for a bathroom break. She was good, but daddy was deturmind to keep it a surprize.

We made it to Seattle around 11:45, found a parking garage, and walked around. We grabbed a bite to eat, and started walking to the port. She was so excited when she saw all of the water and boats. I told her the best part was inside that building, that's where we were going. "Okay, then let's go, come on. . . " How can you not laugh at that? So cute, so onward we went. There is a big glass wall of fish just inside and she was loving it.

"Look at that one, oh, and that one. What is that daddy?" I had no clue, but I was loving the moment and had no interest in letting it end. "Let's go sweet pea, there is so much more, we haven't even made it inside yet."

"Woo, really, okay, yeah, let's go, but then we'll come back and look here again, k." Yeah, she knew I was going everywhere she wanted to go. Let's just face it, she has me like no other person can! LoL

So around the corner was a splash tank, which scard her at first, so we didn't spend too much time there, but when we made it to the main lobby, oh yes, there was soo much to see and do, and see was going to see it all!! First, there was a couple of touch ponds. All kinds of star fish and what not you could touch. She needed some comforting and daddy went first, but after that, she was touching everything. Laughing a ton and a smile the whole time! Tring to get her to look and me and do it for a pic was a little bit harder, but we managed whith what we got.

There were cut outs of different animals, and she wanted pictures in each of them, so first we looked at the octipus, then she wanted a picture as one. So to complete it, I had a few more in mind, what do you think, does a daddy know or what. . .

There is a new shark thing going on there in the main area, they are looking for sharks in the port, and I guess they are having good luck because we saw one on the camera, then we had a picture next to the one on the wall just to see how big they are. "Wow, they are really big, hu?" Another smile on my face, she doesn't even have to try. "They sure are, bigger then me aren't they." With a wide eyed look came, " Oh yeah, I bet they are even bigger then anyone."

We started to walk through the big fish exhibits, of course, Dory was there and I was required to get a picture of her. Which I had no problem doing, as I did, one of my favorties came swimming by. I had a few extra pictures to take for myself. It is one of my dreams to swim with sharks, I can't wait till it happens, and it will! As we continued on, we got to see the otters eat and seals play and eat. They were all very playful and not very camera shy, which Britney loved. I think she was want to join in and play with them.

So as our visit was coming to an end, we ended up in the gift shop, get place for an aqurium to have the exit. We looked around, got a few things, and poor Britney had a sad face as children do when they don't want to leave, so being the daddy that I am, I asked, "you want to sneak back in and go through again?"

"Can we? YES!!!" and so we did. I know I have it bad, but I just couldn't help myself. We went through one more time, touching, laughing, and just watching. Afterwards, we grabbed something to eat in their cafe'. Britney grabbed an octopus cookie, she thought that was the greatest thing. As we made our way back to the car, she asked if we really had to go back home. "I'm not tired or anything daddy" she told me. I had to explain that we had to go back because of the time, not because she was tired. So we got into the car, and by the time we made it out of the city, she was fast asleep. It was a great day, a great trip, and I will always hold that memory close to my heart. Enjoy the pictures and the memory!

It all started with a can of Jelly Belly's. . .

People send us random boxes of goodies, and boy do we enjoy them! Each person is looking for some of these and a piece of that. . . when one person gets a box, we all get a box. In our latest box came a can of Jelly Belly's, and yes, I so claimed them!!! I had left them in the clinic, thinking a nice place for a mid day snack, when a funny feeling came over me; it was my stomach asking for the Jelly Belly's, well, perhaps it was more of a demand. I brushed it off and got ready for bed, however, my stomach was not okay with this idea. "A slight rumble should let him know I'm not kidding here", I'm more then sure these were the thoughts coming from my stomach and the rumbling began. I do not give in all that easy, I got up, grabbed a bottle of water and drank it down. . . all of it! Looking back, I think this is where it all went bad, this was not the smartest idea I've had. It was at that moment my stomach decided to get some alliances. Little did I know a bladder could be so rude! Every half hour a bathroom break, not easy on the sleeping time if you know what I mean. I know I drank a bottle of water, but this was way more then I drank. . . what the heck, really, all of this over Jelly Belly's. . . . "No, couldn't be" I reassured myself as I went back to bed.
At last I fell asleep and stayed that way, for a little bit. My alarm went off at 5 as it does every running day, I get dressed and I'm off to meet up with my running partner. Everything is going just fine, the thought of Jelly Belly's is no where in sight, when on our final lap my stomach gives a slight rumble; "Keep dreaming dude" is all I had to say about that. Total self control and I was going to snack on them later today, maybe even after lunch. . . who knows. I'll tell you who knew, my gosh darn stomach. . . .that's who! After brushing my stomach off this time he kick the bladder into over drive and for fun invited my bowels. . . the run had turned into a night mare! No way, the closes bathroom was a good couple of minutes away; and I didn't bother to tell my partner where I was going, I just made a sharp turn and off I went. I think I was running faster at that point in time then on the track. Needless to say, I made it with good time, which gave me some extra time to reconsider the Jelly Belly offer my stomach had made me last night. Come to think of it, Jelly Belly's didn't seem all that bad all of the sudden.
As I walked down the hallway of the hospital eating some Jelly Belly's out of a can covered in sweat, I got many looks. . . and yep, I just smiled and ate! Later I was asked if I was eating Jelly Belly's right after running; "Yes, yes I was", and when they asked why all I could say was, "It all started with a can of Jelly Belly's". . . and walked away laughing. I don't think I will be brushing my stomach off any time soon!